September 2011
1 post
Reblog this if you want a LONG anonymous message...
August 2011
1 post
"indicate something, check unknown if you dont...
is what i write on intake forms when coworkers fail to fill out every section. type of violence, perpetrator relationship to victim/surivior, sexual orientation…
indicate something, check unknown if you dont know.
at work, when im doing data, its this or that. and if it isnt indicated that you can check more than one box, then you defienatly shouldn’t, specially because there is...
February 2011
3 posts
graphology, meditation, health, minimalist lifestyle, yoga…surfing, skating, science
I just really miss my mom.
I hate arguments. I hate when people don’t listen, don’t stop to not think out of their own point of view. When ive had enough of it your gonna get a ‘i don’t give a fuck’ look. Working on realizing when I need to give a ‘I no longer care to try’ speech. Not that its that time, but I doubt I’ll quickly realize when it is. Tumblr via my phone,...
January 2011
1 post
tuiton=tuesday
posters for new office=tuesday
donate clothes-tuesday
new bank account-tuesday
laundry-tuesday?
list for her-wednesday
juicer-buy as surprise for lazy sunday-friday
textbooks-save $
send jr clothes-tuesday
*this month- tv
make candles together
paint pottery
budget,budget,budget
clean room together
get hobby-kendo? other physical arts
*later-buy us ice skates...
November 2010
1 post
so update
thanks to the anonymous person that asked. first 5.75 questions you’ve been avoiding [again, its been a while]
1. Whats going well in your life? My new job, I work at an amazing nonprofit, I have a salary! Unpaid internships and hard work paid off, I love what I do and who I work for. School, Relationships.
2. What are you trying to ignore? Nothing really, maybe my smoking habit....
July 2010
2 posts
content
something welcoming about feeling like nobody reads this, yet still desireing to write every few., amazing how things change, how people move on, grow apart, change and transition roles, or simply dont [interact]. more amazing how things come together, how hearts heal, how the mosiac of life just slides together. im aware that a portion of what has made my days brighter lays in what is...
sticky
i hate naps. i cant get myself to sleep when its not night time, except when im in the movie theatur and when its hot. boxer briefs, hulu, heat, stickyness. oddly amusing dreams. summer.naps are lovely.
all is well. still room for progress and general growth.housing situation good, besides me losing the key to the new apartment this weekend, had too much fun. im over alot of things. yada.
June 2010
1 post
the 5.75 questions you’ve been avoiding….
1. Whats going well in your life? -school? maybe, unsure of that. my unpaid internship besides the fact that its unpaid. recovery is going very well.
2. What are you trying to ignore? -her. how am i going to quit smoking. health issues.
3. What’s boring you? -school is starting to bore me. lesbians, people in general. her.
4. How do you want to be...
May 2010
3 posts
If ever you find your saying ‘I don’t care’ and proceed doing something that will hurt you or someone you care for, physically, emotionally, etc… One must evaluate why. Why did I do yada, where and what was it rooted from in my subconscious, chances are you arent or werent acting honestly. Hiding from fear, failure, hiding from however you may feel about a situation,...
stray
i still have this hate for you.
its foundation laid in hate for myself.
for even liking. falling. sticking. allowing you constant presence in my life, in my mental, even when you deserted me, and havent spoken to me in weeks. kicked me out and put food outside once a week like a stray cat.
then proclaim yada.. . ill let you back in. i want to. but im not ready? *places food outside.
mom: u can always move home.
no i cant. i can always kill myself. just run away from life, from accomplishing anything. no i cant always move home.
eviction. coronas. cigs. bad habits.
yada bullshit
emotional. i feel like i can never get over her. no matter how many strides i have, realizations, its like chipping at a boulder. ive realized (sigh seems like my realizations dont fcking matter)…realized that what makes this worse is that im unsure of her. shes be so unhonest about how she felt and what she desired in the past, im stuck wondering, guessing, trying to understand what it...
April 2010
7 posts
something something
its sunny out. rocking my chucks daily, plotting on buying some gray ones. currently listening to tegan and sara consistently. had to actually buy the album because many of the downloads dont work smh. classes just about over, one paper to turn in. apartment search, horrible. but i know a lesbian that knows a lesbian thats moving out with the first lesbian. who is my ex. so hopefully they do...
family vaca.
had a stud on stud experience. its nice. i wouldn’t consider myself a stud. but i mean if we had to accept a label that totally dismisses me as a individual and doesn’t consider anything besides how i look outwardly with clothes on. *pow. didnt go to the extent of sex? because im abstinent. yay?!! but it was nice.
(love situation) and. she said. im’ coming home with u in august...
ego, unconcious.
all i can be is me. there are moments where i feel that i should be doing more, in an artistic show and prove sense. i should be more this, seem more that. because thats a good look for other people, [it might be what she likes. honestly] but i am me. im pretty simple, not ultra stylish. i do enjoy stripes and colors, wear what the fck i want, do enjoy collecting random facts like turtles can...
appreciate.
i appreciate blogging. that being said, lol.
update on self: ive kinda came to the conclusion that i cant get an internship before monday, thus i will just get a fucking F for this class. i have transfer credits im entering the 2nd Purpose (semester) yet im taking classes in the third semester. Im slaughtering all other classes right now. So thats good? Right? Thank god for sun. Im happy for...
i feel really empty inside. highs and lows. up and downs. i dont know how i could be doing so well in school yet because i havent gotten an internship im going to fail a class. its bullshit. makes me feel even when im doing good it doesnt matter. this whole semester ive been shooting for A’s so i can get the best scholarship possible. Did all my work. Lowest grade I’ve gotten back so...
addictions
these things call my name. since i was a kid, since before i know anything about them. they called me, ive just been drawn to them in the back of my mind. it wasnt a problem until i answered, just one answer snowballing into something vicious. ive always had an addictive personality, with nearly everything.. this new thing is taboo, and i want to openly express but i dont want it out there like...
March 2010
4 posts
fuck my life
maybe i should stop smoking? i have this shortness of breath problem. i wonder what capacity my lungs are functioning at. right now it feels like 50%. every breath i want to cough because its not enough air exchange going on. i do have alil cold right now so. im sure that is a krucial reason why, ive never had this vicious of a breathing problem before. *cough cough!! gag for air* so fuck my life....
rawr.
sometimes love comes around and it knocks you down. used to hate that song, but eh im appreciating it playing in my headphones right now. not because of any love experiences ive had, just cause.
my second summer in new york approaching. can i get an apartment please?! lol lord why are people trying to asking for $800 for a hole in the wall? u cant be serious! anyways, i feel good. content.
...
my response
she wrote this very krucial poem about the end of us. the day she packed us into an overnight bag. a day in which i had been visiting home for nearly a month, a vacation in which i was daily zooted. a vaca in which i felt no need to plead to her ‘dont fuck anyone else okay? you wont right?’. i thought we were beyond that, it didnt weigh heavy on my heart, i trusted her no worries. so...
So I thought I’d do something different here. Boring quiz it is. Today has been a hard day. This week has been hard. I need a fucking new apartment. People trying to take advantage of my kindness. School is easy as hell, aceing midterms. Frustrated, need to dance and feel up some females or fuck. Been smoking a new pack of cigs every 2 days. WTF? I dont know where that came from. They...
February 2010
2 posts
you know.. your not what i want. .
Im sure I seem obsessed with this girl, every blog is about her. Just no one knows the full situation, no one understands fully, so venting to myself is krucial. Anyways. Rough few days. The only way to wisdom or improvement is by way of struggle, conflict, tension. So at the end of the day I realize that im blessed to have been though all that I have. And I make it a point to draw out what I...
i miss you but i know i shouldnt
u make my heart hurt. only this time i truely realize that its only because i allow the situation of you, of what was us, to hurt me.
alone at last. i know where everyone is. where they want to be.
so i cant worry about why you havent texted me, because you dont want too, right now im not a krucial aspect of your life. and my mom always told me never to overstay my welcome.
this is my way to...
January 2010
1 post
i cant let go of her
November 2009
1 post
best part
the best part about life is that it doesnt end today
we generally assume that there will always be a tomorrow. i believe that the assumtion is used in ways which birth negative actions/results/situations more often then postive.
however when one truely grasps the concept that there is a tomorrow. i feel that only positive will follow. thats not to say that bad things wont happen, or that one...
October 2009
1 post
nothing witty
just something i cant tell you. and dont want to tell other ‘friends’ because they wouldnt appreciate it.
i miss you. i miss watching hulu with you. i miss talking to you while u sleep. i miss being your mirror. i miss waking u up in the morning against your will. i miss the few times i let you sleep and decided to watch you. i miss kissing your forehead. i miss you being there when i...
August 2009
2 posts
excuses
i still love you. doesnt mean we’re still gonna be together. your not going to hug me like you used to, wont still be there to embrace me when i have a nightmare in the middle of the night. your not going to look at me the same or ask for massages, i cant kidnap you for weekends, or even buy your time anymore.. not that i want to, i used to want to. im just saying.. take back your i still...
us
hit the crackpipe hard for alittle over a year..
getting high off fairy tales. now im feeling withdrawls, time to wake up.
but boy do i miss my crackpipe.
July 2009
3 posts
realization
the realization always comes to me when im with young adults my age, and there’s a discussion revolving around college, and there is always a college/career future discussion. or when asked how many credits i have, how many years i have left, etc..
that damn im a horrible college student.
credits? i dont.. know ? maybe 20
years left, i guess 2 or 3. how ever long.. it takes. ..
...
intoxication
trying to get my life in control. approach it from a different angle. i want to do it for me.
on another unrelated self contemplative note. is it important to know who you are. where you would be categorized. i look at myself and see a blob like mixture, have i avoided a step and neglected to mold me.
title
wouldnt it suck to be colorblind?