you know.. your not what i want. .
Im sure I seem obsessed with this girl, every blog is about her. Just no one knows the full situation, no one understands fully, so venting to myself is krucial. Anyways.
Rough few days. The only way to wisdom or improvement is by way of struggle, conflict, tension. So at the end of the day I realize that im blessed to have been though all that I have. And I make it a point to draw out what I can from unfavorable situations. Rough few days, a few good epiphanys. I’ve continually had issues with her, and I’ve been aware of I what I believe one of the main problems is for a while. Having reevaluated some things, I realized that she isn’t one that I want to be with. Her mentality and beliefs don’t align with that which I desire in a partner. It was amazing, I love her, fun times. It was good for the time. It was needed for my growth. And I’ve grown, realized things about myself, about what I want and expect in a relationship. And she doesn’t match up with my expectations for a partner in a relationship. And I realize I can’t continue to hold on because however great she is, she isn’t what I want. And no one can change ones mentality on life values, ethics. Its a complete waste, sure comprise is needed in a relationship, but this can’t be compromised. And I doubt im what she’s looking for, not in terms of life values or ethics, but probably not what she is looking for in terms of other things I dont care to rattle my brain about. But she has growing to do and until then ill try my best to be a good buddhist, grow more myself and leave her alone, literally and consciously. ..
One step in recovery slowly. First Loves are a bitch. Today for the first time..ever.. I imagined myself thirty something and alone. It didnt make me feel sad, it was intriguing to say the least. Kinda odd? Maybe?
